More Resources for the Wounded....

As stated, I am posting some resources here to help those who have been wounded.

http://smolderingwickministries.org (specifically for church leaders and pastors)

http://dictatorpastors.yolasite.com (for those in spiritually abusive churches)

Hope these help you if you are hurting!

One Year Later

Well, it's been almost exactly one year since the whole "church thing" happened.

This should probably go without saying but I'm pretty sure that no repentance, apology, or humility is to be expected.

I have been informed that Jeff Little has read this blog and thought about giving us a call but was dissuaded by another clergyman. My take on this? Image is more important than doing the right thing. What a sad state we are in as Christians when "pastors" need to save face more than be loving. *sigh*

I have been further "enlightened" on some of Milestone's beliefs on women. A friend recently explained to me that Jeff explained privately that, "the leadership of the church believes the only proper way for the church to deal with any problem in a family is through the leader of that family, which is the husband." The premise was that in the past, when the church had a problem with something the wife had done, they tried talking to the couple together and it created a "lose/lose" situation by causing stress in the marriage or humiliating the wife. Jeff reiterated to this couple that the church would ONLY talk to my husband and that, since my husband refused this route, they really had no choice in the matter.

Wow. This is so hilarious. It sure doesn't cause stress in a marriage to call a man into your office and demand that he get his wife in line or leave the church does it? I'm glad that the church is so concerned about not causing stress in a marriage....

In my opinion, the real issue is this: the men at Milestone are not equipped to speak with women. Speaking with women in delicate matters requires sensitivity. This is not something that Jeff Little or Derrick Wilson are interested in cultivating. They are very interested in being "manly men" who rule the roost. Not so much being humble. And in the midst of this dire need to not submit to women, it is so simple and easy to relegate women to second-class citizenship. To place them so far beneath you that you cannot even speak to them if you have an issue with them. The parallels to how masters treated slaves are deep and horrifying.

I am a bit confused as to where this extra-biblical principle of "only talking to the husband" comes from. Despite my friend's protests that this principle is QUITE biblical and that there is nothing wrong with it, I must disagree.

At this point, I'm going to go ahead and classify Milestone as a cult. I was leaning much more heavily to "spiritually abusive" and "cult-like" but I think this added doctrine pushes them over the edge. When we start manufacturing scriptures or formulating principles out of thin air to suit our purposes, it's sort of a line in the sand.

I also had a little chuckle at my friend's protest that Milestone didn't do anything "unbiblical" in their treatment of us. I'm thinking that we're throwing out that whole "law of love" thing, huh? I guess my friend must think that ordering people not to tell people the name of their marriage counselor, what books they're reading, etc. is also quite biblical. Another sigh escapes me. Oh the lengths that we will go to in our minds to justify remaining in a group.

It was actually quite helpful to me to hear all of these silly justifications. I realized that some people are blind on purpose. Because there is something that they need so badly that God's truth, the Bible, the opinions of the rest of the body of Christ, love, justice, compassion, mercy....none of those things even register for them. It just demonstrates again that cults appeal to people who need a strong sense of community. They need it so badly that they will turn their backs on friends and family, truth, and even logical thinking. I am sad to see others trapped in this place but am monumentally grateful to be released from it myself!

So, the bottom line is that we reap what we sow. And God is not mocked. As we sow control and suppression of others, we will reap the reward in our own lives. If we sow disloyalty to good friends in favor of remaining in a system, we will reap the harvest. If we turn and repent, try to restore what we damaged, perhaps God will spare us some of that heartache. If we persist in our path, we will reap a full and bountiful crop. This is not a punitive thing. It is a law of the Earth that we live on. God gave us that law to reassure us that there are consequences for our actions and the actions of others. He gave us that law to comfort us and give us some predictability. We can rest assured that whatever we plant will crop up again in our lives. The good. And the bad.

Honoring the Truth-Teller

This is a super article from a former army chaplain explaining why organizations who do not value truth are headed for trouble.

Honoring the Truth-Teller

As I read this, so much resonated within me about the accuracy of this analysis and the knowledge that, even if our "truth-telling" is done in an immature way, or a clumsy way, or an inappropriate way, leaders should listen and consider. Not dismiss us.