The Funny Thing About Spiritual Family is.....

You know, while I was at Milestone, I was constantly hearing about "spiritual family." We were constantly talking about the concept and were even told how our destinies were tied up with our "spiritual family." It was clearly a BIG concept.

And, coming from a disjointed family, I bought into it completely.

It really struck me, however, how the same people who were preaching "spiritual family" right and left at us had a strange reaction to our leaving.

They would say strange things like, "Well, you just need to forgive and move on." This seemed to be the repeated theme.

The general idea seemed to be, "Come on, Cathy, when are you going to 'get over' all of this?"

And it just occurred to me yesterday that you wouldn't dare ask this question of someone who had been booted out of their natural family.

Indeed, we wouldn't really expect anyone to "get over" something like that.

And that's when I realized that no matter how much talk goes on about spiritual family, it's a bunch of hooey. And the leadership knows that. Those are just words to rally people around the camp fire and get them all riled up about growing the church. They don't mean anything. They don't carry any real weight or substance. They're just a facade... an illusion.

You see, I believed that this was my spiritual family - but they didn't. Not really.

My true spiritual family are those who stand beside me, go to bat for me, fight for me, support me, hold my hand, cry with me, and in general believe what I say and take issue with those who have hurt me.

And I can just about count those people on one hand. And I praise God for them. They are jewels and treasures and shining stars in my life. Thank God for REAL spiritual family!

Awakenings

Tonight, I watched the movie Awakenings with my husband. I was getting a bit teary toward the end when Leonard, one of the protagonists, began slipping back into his catatonic state. But what really made me start weeping was the portrayal of the actions of the caretakers at the end of the movie. The closing shots of the film show nurses, doctors, friends, and family members lovingly caring for these catatonic patients in a new way. In a kind and loving way that understands and honors their humanity.

These serving folks received no reward. They gained no applause or even acknowledgment of their loving actions. They simply ministered to the needs of those around them who could offer nothing in return. They did it quietly and simply and without fanfare. They did not attempt to be superstars. No, indeed. They merely performed small, ordinary acts of kindness right where they were, with no one watching or handing out gold stars.

I became so struck with these kindnesses and immediately thought about Jesus saying, "and if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

I was overpowered by the idea that we have, I believe, gotten very much off-base in the American church today. We talk a lot about being "missional." We talk a lot about reaching a city or a region. We talk a lot about evangelism and reaching the world.

I think that something very important has been lost merely because of the culture that we live in. A culture that is unique to the pageant of history. Think about it. We now have television, internet, around-the-globe flights in a day, faxes, telephones, and vast amounts of accumulated wealth and resources with which to solve problems like hunger, disease, and water shortages. Indeed, the world has gotten much smaller to us. And much more manageable. And much more "conquerable."

The promise of fame and fortune, wealth and power, honor and privilege, and large numbers of people in attendance is bigger now than ever before. It is so simple to slip into a mindset of greatness. Hasn't God called us to be great? Hasn't He called us to go and preach the gospel and to make disciples of all nations? Doesn't He want us to reach as many people as we possibly can? Aren't we His hands and feet? If we have the means to accomplish great things, oughtn't we??

Well, maybe. But I would propose this. All of this great focus on reaching "our world" for Christ has detracted from something very important and has essentially nullified it in many regards. Jesus wants us to be persistently kind and loving to those in our sphere of influence. It's reiterated in some many ways in the gospel and in the epistles. From foot washing to "living quiet lives in godliness and holiness," the scriptures are whispering something to us.

What good is it if we speak with the tongues of men and angels, proclaiming the gospel to the entire Earth, if we don't have enough love to simply be patient with our children or hold the hand of a hurting friend or make a call to say, "I'm sorry?" Haven't we really missed something here?

We live in a day where preachers stand in the pulpit and proclaim that we are, together, going to build something awesome for Jesus. We are going to win people for Him. And they are equally clear that they are not to be expected to say, "Hello" to everyone in the hallway because you just can't expect someone who is so important and busy to be concerned about these little kindnesses.

We live in a day where ministers talk about changing the world but overlook fundamental, "square one" rules of Christian living like being humble and apologetic and comforting those who mourn.

This attitude (which I have lived beneath and in and seen in motion in a local church) produces so many sad circumstances. It creates such a sense of intensity and excitement and even frenzy to "reach people" or "do good" that when people are hurt or wounded or need some specific, long-term ministry (like a catatonic mental patient), they are simply left to themselves. (After all, who really has time to sit and read a book to an unresponsive friend when there are lives to win for Christ?)

Is this not the story of the good Samaritan? The one who was "on fire for God" didn't have time to stop and quietly and dutifully minister to the needs of a man who might never live to appreciate it. He was busy on GOD's errand. He didn't have time to fool with such a minor little task.

This attitude of greatness and largesse also produces a good deal of judgment. If we are going somewhere in a focused manner and we encounter someone who isn't as concerned with getting there as we are, we feel no obligation to stop and listen or try to understand. People who do not "get it" are simply summarily dismissed in favor of people who do. There is not a value placed on slowing down, taking time to listen and comprehend. We can just haughtily look down our spiritual noses at those who don't feel compelled to be missional and hugely evangelistic and deem them "uncommitted to the cause."

I cannot tell you the examples that I can sit and think of that exemplify the manner in which we have strained out a gnat and swallowed a camel. I sat with a gentleman recently who obviously loves Jesus but his comment to my husband and I was, "How are you? And if the answer is anything other than 'fine,' I don't want to know." He said it with a smile but he was dead serious. Not surprisingly, this is one of our friends who is very missionally minded and very focused on "getting somewhere" as the body of Christ.

I can no longer justify this. I can no longer justify trying to reach out to a lost and dying world while ignoring the simple commandments that my Lord has given me to love those around me. And to love them well. Not with some small modicum of affection or some minor amount of patience. I am to love persistently, patiently, quietly. I do not show love to those around me to impress others or for fanfare or to brag about how many attendees I have at my Sunday services. In fact, if my focus is right, all of those things will fall into the shadows as I set my eyes upon ministering God's love to those in my little corner of the world.

And God assures us that all of the little things that we do in private, in secret, will be seen by Him and rewarded. All of the patience and love and sympathy and care that we show for one another is seen by One who justly rewards. Those who scurry about and give obediently of their time and energy to a larger cause, dedicating it all to a "bigger picture," while neglecting to care for those who desperately need care have already received their reward.

I do not believe that we may ever move onto Square Two until we have learned the lessons of Square One. And, sadly, it takes a lifetime for most of us to even learn what Square One is or what it requires. Until we have learned, as a church, to quietly and patiently minister to those around us who are unloveable, broken, intolerable, sick, injured, whining, dysfunctional, crying, angry, irritating, or otherwise unattractive, we have no right to go about professing to want to change the world. Indeed, how can we?

Wal-Mart and Breakdowns

Today I went to the Wal-Mart Supercenter which I almost never do (too crowded) to grab a few things I needed.

My timing was horrible. As soon as I walked in, I bumped into a woman that I had considered one of my best friends at Milestone. There was no way to avoid her or her children (whom my children still adore), which would have been my choice.

Even that tiny encounter was so entirely painful to me. I could barely keep from crying. Even though the Lord has really been working in my heart and in my life, I became aware that the level of healing that I thought I'd had wasn't deep enough. I spend a good bit of time this afternoon crying and listening to "Held" by Natalie Grant which has been such a comfort to me this past year or so.

For those of you who are going through recovery from a spiritually abusive relationship or a similar church incident, I am here to let you know that it's ok to keep hurting. The reason that it hurts so badly is that you truly loved those people. The sense of injustice is so strong also. You want to grab people and explain to them and simultaneously know that it wouldn't do any good. People buy into what they want to buy into and they pretty much stay there until it gets too painful to or they get forced out.

As I saw my old friend today, my heart was saddened. When she first came here from a different state, their family was simpler and less "showy." Now, she has become "Milestone-ized." Always dressed nicely, hair fixed, makeup done, children dressed in adorable little outfits. Quite a change from the family we met four years ago.

It's so sad to me to watch a humble family that just obviously loved Jesus and weren't all that into outward appearances become this image-conscious type of people. They have thrown in their allegiance with a manner of being Christian that puts a lot of emphasis on this type of thing. Saying, of course, that it's being a "good witness" to look really nice as often as you can.

Today I got sad because I missed my friend. I missed the simpler woman that I had shared my life with and with whom my children had played. I missed the non-judgmental friend who cast her lot for mercy more often than not. Now, in her place, I see a woman who is into appearances and is critical of others when she once was nothing but graceful. That is what a performance-oriented, image-conscious system will do to you. It's so very, very sad.

Dancing to the Right Tune

Not long ago, my husband and I went out dancing at a country dance hall. As we sat one out and I observed the different couples on the dance floor, I was fascinated.

What I noticed was that each couple had their own unique version of the two-step. Some were bouncier than others. Some were quicker, some slower. Some were smoother and more graceful and others not so much. But they were all dancing to the same music. The same tune was guiding their efforts.

It hit me that the tune that we're all dancing in the Body of Christ is the same. It is the Lord. He is the music that we all hear and move in rhythm with. But we don't all look the same as we move.

And the big mistake that we make is that we confuse our own version of the dance with the tune that moves us. We begin to focus so much on the way WE like to dance that we forget about listening to the One who sets the beat. We start to criticize everyone else for not dancing in the manner that we are. We start preaching about and talking about and making a big deal out of the dance style that we have. Instead of focusing entirely on the Music and just letting our feet move us along.

That is what happens in performance oriented churches and abusive systems. Some minor theological point becomes more important than Christ. Our image becomes more important than Christ. Our pride becomes more important than Christ.

Even if our hearts are pricked and we know that we have sinned against someone. We know that we owe them an apology or at least a phone call. We allow what the world tells us or other what other Christians tell us is "right" to sweep aside the high calling that we have in Jesus to love one another, help one another, and humble ourselves before one another. I shake my head as I think about what "church" really has come down to. It's become a political game and a business that has little to do with the Bible or with what Jesus has called us all to. It is so sad. Like looking behind the curtain in Oz. What you thought was great and wonderful really is just a bunch of people putting on a show to impress other people. My heart breaks at these thoughts but rejoices in knowing that our God will set all things right and bring about the justice and vision that He has for His body.