Honor Guard and a Move

As I was chatting with a believing friend of mine today, she reminded me of a guy I really liked to listen to a while back: Danny Silk, a pastor in California.

What I love about Danny and his wife is the general take on life and relationships that they have. The spirit of Christ seems to permeate what they say and do and believe. Not because they come off as perfect or "higher than" by any means. But mainly because they manage to have principles without condescension and ridicule.

I'd love for you to watch this teaching from Danny.

While watching it, it really made me want to cry. What I saw in it was the opportunity that Milestone Church missed. They missed the opportunity to create a safe place, an honoring place, a place where being "higher than" didn't mean looking down upon. A place where disagreeing, strong personalities, differences of theology, etc. didn't have to mean finger-pointing and blame and ostracizing.

And I don't mean just in our situation. I mean in hundreds of different situations where a greater understanding of humility and the principles of honoring others could've changed a biting attitude of superiority into a Christlike one.

As I listen to pastor Silk, I see how a church like Milestone might actually be able to help create the type of man they say they want in their church. The downside for misogynists, however, is the way that Danny looks at women. He doesn't seem to be able to look down upon them at all. In fact I believe he's recently written a book on empowering women in the church. That's really the irony. You can't elevate and honor one gender while disparaging the other. I truly hope that Pastor Little and the other folks at Milestone begin to learn this and apply it to their lives. I hope that they learn how to honor women and men alike.

I really recommend any of Pastor Silk's books as well as the many YouTube videos. His take on parenting is phenomenal. Not at all controlling and law-based as I often experienced from certain pastors at Milestone.

In other news, a friend recently told me that Derrick and Russell Ann Wilson have been moved to the McKinney, Texas church (be ye warned). She also mentioned that she feels that the attitude at Milestone is more graceful and that Pastor Jeff is keeping his tongue in check on the entire "wifely submission" issue and replacing it instead with "submission to the Holy Spirit."

You're welcome.

And, I wonder if I'm the only one who finds it ironic that our situation at Milestone, along with this blog, has caused positive change in someone's pastoring and life and yet he still doesn't feel the need to extend an apology or even a thanks of any sort.

I guess I'm supposed to just be grateful that I got out of there alive with my love for the Lord still intact. And I am.

Revisiting Truth

I received a Facebook message recently from a woman I've not met. She told me how meaningful my blog was to her as she was trying to figure out exactly what was bugging her about Milestone Church.

Apparently, her husband was instructed "not to let her read it."

So, after having taken this blog down for awhile, I've decided to post it back up again. My hope in this is not to create any kind of change in a group of people who clearly feel justified in their actions but to extend, once again, a ray of hope and understanding to those who find themselves in that abusive, truth-concealing environment.

Jeff Little and Inner Vows

When we went to Victory Weekends, we were always warned about "inner vows" and reminded to negate these spiritually. An inner vow would be any promise you made to yourself like "I will never do this" or "I will always do that."

As I contemplate what the heck happened to Jeff Little to make him such an unloving man when it comes to preserving "his church," I remembered something. Jeff used to pastor a little church in Abbott, Texas. We heard the story many times from the pulpit. Something bad happened there. The congregation, elder board, or some combination of the two must have forced him out.

I heard him say, at least once, that Milestone Church's leadership was set up the way it was so that nobody could do to Jeff what was done in Abbot. "Nobody is ever going to push me out of my own church," he said, or something to that affect.

As Derrick Wilson noted, hurting people hurt people. It's true. Jeff and Brandy were hurt by a church in Abbot and he made an "inner vow" to never let that happen again. He was going to be the master of his own ship. He would not subject himself to anyone who might threaten to take away what he had built.

So, once again, we see that control breeds hypocrisy. It's fine to send your flock toddling off for the weekend to denounce their own inner vows but you can talk about yours publicly as if they're righteous. Am I ashamed that these things never occurred to me while we were there? Why yes, I am. And, I'm sad to say, I worshipped this man as some sort of demi-god so even if my conscience had been pricked, I would have dismissed it.

The Color of Silence

Are Christians really just as cowardly as everyone else?

Yeah. Pretty much. Sad, but true.

Click Here for a good article on this.

Great Videos on Spiritual Abuse and Toxic Churches

These videos are a wonderful summation of what is wrong at Milestone Church and other organizations like it. I think this woman (gasp) has done a wonderful job at laying out the problems in such groups. Enjoy!



http://youtu.be/xobGbr0ui6I

Who's Your Daddy?

A short update, and some insights. There was one family at Milestone, in particular, that my own children dearly loved. Although it's been quite awhile since we were there, they still write letters and talk about this family regularly. They asked me, a month or so ago, if I could contact the parents and see if they might visit with their friends again. I was hesitant to do so but realized that refusing to do so would make me more like the people at Milestone who betrayed our friendship that I wanted to be. So, I dutifully sent emails and facebook messages, reminding my children that the answer would probably be "no." I didn't want them to get their hopes up.

A month or so went by with no word so I assumed they didn't even think us worthy of a response. But the other day, I did get a response. Of course, the answer was "no." Who'da thunk it?

As I was discussing this with my husband, I noted that church is a business. The market is saturated and everyone needs more market share. I reflected that Jeff Little simply loved reading business management books. I understand why, now. He was building a business and trying to figure out how to get people on board with pushing his product (not Jesus. His church building.).

I also began to reflect that, had our dear friends attended a different church (which never would have happened in all likelihood because we were all so busy recruiting for our own church and spending time with those at our own church), their reaction would have been completely different. I can't think of one person at Milestone Church, had we known them through some other entity, would have stopped being friends with us, or called us liars, or tried to pin the blame on us in some way. I can only imagine warm hugs, love, and compassion from those, our dearly beloved.

That was a frightening vision because I saw clearly, again, how people are really convinced that they are following Jesus but are, in fact, simply following a pastor. I sincerely doubt that the family who were once our dear friends have ever stopped to consider what their reaction might have been had they not been attending the very same church. Would friendships be lost? Surely not. What a pathetic imitation of Father's love for us. Good grief.

On a lighter note, however, it is my pleasure to say that I am still walking closer to Father these days. And not in that weird Christiany way by which most people mean that they are praying more. I am "getting" the message of Jesus more and more, I think. The key word to me these days is "light." The world can be a very dark place. The church not excepted. Jesus was the light of the world. As are we.

In keeping with this sentiment, I tried valiantly to respond to my former friend with love and kindness while pointing out the complete absurdity of the loss of friendship based on a building attendance choice. I really was nice. Honestly.

And, while I miss my friend, I am relieved that her children won't be around my children anytime soon, tainting them with the falsified love that their family embodies or the religious ideals that keep people clean on the outside but whitewashed tombs inwardly. I'm really praying for a day when we can love and be loved in truth and wholeness based on nothing other than the idea that he who is loved much, loves much. Perhaps that day will come in my lifetime. If not.... they have to spend eternity with us anyway! Ha!

Grieving Continued

Since May of 2009, I've been numb. The pain has been so deep and so dark and so completely unmanageable, I've been mostly angry.

Yes, there have been moments of clarity. Moments of Truth. Moments of joy. Moments of perspective, understanding, and realization. But mostly just anger.

These past few weeks, due to what I cannot exactly say, I have been able to weep. And weep. And weep. I take this as a very good sign. I'd say that, finally, the pain has abated enough for me to begin to truly deal with it.

I've had the sweetest dreams about my old friends from Milestone. How I still miss some of them so much. In my dreams, everything is as it should be. Everything is clear and beautiful. There is no cloud of delusion or mistrust. Simply purity. I don't know if that's a representation of Heaven or simply a representation of how things really are in the spiritual realm.

I'm beginning to look back on the good times we had with those we loved without the pain creeping in too soon. I get to cherish the memory for a moment.

I keep praying for Father to make things right but I'm no longer sure what that means. I used to be convinced that justice and "rightness" would come in this lifetime. Now I see that Father is setting us free from a system that proclaims itself to be a body when it clearly isn't. I think He's in the process of setting us free from buildings and hierarchies and performance. I see it happening all around the American church. But I'm not sure when (or if) it will finally happen. I suppose that there will always be a fringe element that clings to the old ways.

I am still idealizing a day when the pastors and people at Milestone get a clue as to how completely out-dated and damaging their system is. I dream that there will be a day in the lifetime of those pastors who hurt us so deeply when they will admit that the system really warped their best intentions. I still believe that there might come a day when there is some sort of restoration, some sort of humility, some sort of repentance for spiritual arrogance.

Throughout this process, it is increasingly reassuring to see that mainline Christian beliefs are shifting away from Milestone-esque environments. Indeed, one day, we will view Milestone's current beliefs and structure as we now do those who keep women in long skirts and don't allow them to cut their hair.

It is good to see that others recognize the machismo hype and performance for what it is: a big, steaming pile of non-godly dookey upon which someone has hung a "Jesus" sign. Having a sense of humor has been helpful as well. Check out this super blog post by the Wittenburg Door. It's satire. But not by much.

http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/driscoll-kicks-own-ass