This is just a quick note to update where I am at in my recovery from all of this.
In general, I'm fine. In general, every day, I try to focus on Father's love and just trying to love those in my home. In general.
Some days, however, I get a little up in arms when something just comes flying in my face.
Like today.
A friend called and asked if I had heard the latest sermon series from Milestone. Well, of course, I haven't because I avoid anything having to do with them like the plague. I asked what it was and she said, "We're Sorry."
Milestone is now doing a sermon series apologizing to people on behalf of the church at large. I think I threw up in my mouth. These people. The ones who couldn't muster up even the smallest apology to my family. These folks who didn't even deem it necessary to send a freakin' card. They hit the "delete" button on us like we never existed. These people are dong a series on saying they're sorry?
I didn't say a word about the "Marriage" series. I stomached the "Humility" series fairly well. But this was simply too much.
On the Milestone facebook wall, the question was posed, "What do you think Christians need to apologize for?" My response? "I think it might help to start with, 'Kicking people out of your fellowship, reducing them down to a blubbering heap of ashes and then lying about it.' I don't know. Just my CRAZY thoughts. I'll be waiting on that phone call Jeff and Derrick."
I am still taken aback by the hypocrisy that this move required. I cannot even imagine being inside the head of these people. Seriously, what are they thinking?
It didn't take but about ten minutes for me to start getting accused of "dissension." Within a few hours my own sister had logged on and weighed in about how much I am "seeping hatred" and am just "bitter and cold." Apparently she has become a Milestone fan along with the rest of my family.
The good news is, however, that I really don't feel guilty. I really don't feel as though I'm "stirring up" anything. Lifting the cover off a box of moldy cheese? Maybe. Yeah. It stinks in there, doesn't it? But I didn't make the stink. I just lifted the cover off. You might want to think that the box holds some nice smelling roses. But that's your reverie. It's not truth. The cheese is the truth. People get really mad when you mess with their rosy ideas. But they're not kidding anyone but themselves. They can get mad at me til sundown. The cheese is still going to be there.
Oh my goodness, Cathy, I understand. It is so much easier to preach a series of being sorry, where one is publicly presenting themselves as repentant, w/o the actual tough work of personal repentance and restoration to the people they have hurt. If the sermons are not resulting in private, redemptive action from the leadership then they are useless for the congregation. The problem is, they get much more credit for preaching it than they would for privately doing it.
ReplyDeleteI have heard the same thing about my old church. Members who want to let me know that things are better now, the errant leaders aren't so bad anymore (huh?!!!), I should forgive and come back. I have not yet, in over 4 years, been asked by anyone in the church why I am no longer attending. They do not ask if I have forgiven, or if I have seen concrete evidence of repentance.
Sometimes I find myself feeling so angry I could spit. Other times, I trip into the fear of being put thru the abuse again. I agree, taking the lid off of the problem does not create the problem. When speaking the truth about abuse is seen as more sinful than actually committing the abuse, something is terribly wrong.
Stay strong, and continue to find your peace and identity in the Father. Thank you for choosing not be silenced...
Kelly, I am just now seeing this comment. Too funny. It is so much easier to say good things rather than do them, isn't it? Thank you so much for your support. I am turning a corner now where I am saying, "Thank you, Jesus for delivering me from that system of thought that was so un-YOU." That is a very good thing!
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